What Was I Thinking?

Have you ever looked back at some of the people you've dated and thought, "What in the world was I thinking?"  Knowing someone is wrong for you but deciding to date them anyway is a mistake I make ALL the time because A) I'm lonely, B) I think they will change, or C) they are just so cute that I want to have a little fun enjoying their company!

Let's go ahead and start with A.  I'm lonely.  Our society has taught us that it is weird or strange to be 23 and single.  It is becoming more acceptable over time, but growing up I thought I would be married by now.  I long for someone to hold me and love me unconditionally, but sometimes I forget that God already does.  I have to remind myself all the time that God is all I need, so stop worrying about finding a man.  I am not guaranteed a man.  I am guaranteed that God loves me and will never leave me nor forsake me.  That is a better promise than any man could ever give me.  I am not alone.  I am a child of God and He is always with me.  Earthly loneliness is no reason to date the wrong person.  

On to letter B.  I think they can change.  Oh boy, is this one I have a hard time with.  I find a boy I think is really cute, great personality, but lacks in a few areas such as their walk with the Lord.  I know from the beginning this is probably not a good idea, but then I tell myself they could change. If I get them to come to church and tell them about Jesus then this could all work out. Nope. This is never a good idea.  The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?"  What a direct command.  Sometimes people do change in these circumstances but it is not good to go in with this mindset because you will get attached and be misguided.  We should honor God in our relationships and He should be the focus from the beginning. We cannot be in control of our relationships, we have to let God take the lead.

Finally C, they are very cute and I just want to have some fun while I am young. [By fun I do not mean anything other than hanging out and enjoying their company.]  I have to say, it is definitely a confidence booster to have someone interested in you, complimenting you, and treating you nicely, which is why I think I struggle with this one.  I know deep down in my heart that they are not the person God has for me, but I don't want to let them go just yet because I enjoy spending time with them.  God obviously knows when I do this and He lets me know: I get a sick feeling and I just know that things are not right.  I'll be honest, I have continued to see guys, avoiding this feeling, but as God already knew, it never worked out.  There is no harm in having fun with friends, but when you become attached to a guy that you are exclusively dating, you bond with him emotionally, leaving a piece of yourself with him when things end.  This is not good because even if you are saving your self physically,  you want to save this emotional bonding for your husband as well.  I know there are a couple of guys that will always have a piece of my heart because I ignored God and willed myself to believe that they were "the one."  Don't let yourself believe the opposite of what God is telling you.  Wait on His timing.

I'm still trying to take my own advice on these, but as I am getting older, I am realizing all my mistakes.  I wish I had thought through some of my decisions, I wish I had not liked so many boys, and I wish I could go back... but I can't.  I can't change any of my mistakes.  I have let myself get emotionally attached to guys and I can't undo that.  Be smart.  Be picky.  Be patient.  God knows what is best for your life and He will provide what you need when you need it.  Let Him be in control.

FYI

I don't know about you, but I struggle with dating.  Dating has become a game of being the cutest couple on Instagram, making your significant other jealous, and moving way too fast.  Although I am guilty of participating in the dating game, I am not a fan.

I am not very good at always flirting, dressing up, or being confident, all of which seem to be required in this type of game.  I can pretend to be confident, I can dress up when I go out, and I am witty on occasion, but I'm not always comfortable.  I get nervous, I stress out, and I constantly worry if the guy is going to move too fast.  I have had my fair share of dates, which I am not exactly proud of.  Honestly, I wish I had been patient and not tried to control my own love life... because God is the one who ultimately writes our love stories.  We need to let go of the ideas the world has placed on relationships and trust that God has what is best for us in mind.

The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5, "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God;" which is why I choose to wear a purity ring: a constant reminder of God's view of sex, a reminder not to move too quickly physically.  God created sex and it is a good thing when it is saved for marriage.  It is scientifically proven that it bonds you chemically with your partner, but multiple partners will cause the bond to weaken and not work as God created it.  

Physical attraction is a natural thing but takes a lot to control it when you really like someone.  Our society has taken this physical attraction and made it out to be the sole reason for dating someone.  "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting," is the first part of Proverbs 31:30, and it lets us know that outward appearances are not forever, so being physically attracted to someone should not be the basis of a relationship.  It is hard to look past outward appearances since society makes such a big deal about it, but a relationship should be built on Christ as the foundation and a friendship between two individuals.  The second part of Proverbs 31:30 says, "but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."   As a woman, or a man, it is important that we be focused on the Lord and striving to make all of our words and actions pleasing and honoring to Him.

Dating in our society is hard, especially when everything and everyone says you need to be in a relationship.  It is hard to remember that God is the one and only relationship I NEED to be in and He is the ONLY person who is the perfect Lover of my Soul.  I have been reading Praying for Your Future Husband, by Robin Jones Gunn and Tricia Goyer.  Robin and Tricia give examples of qualities we should want and pray for in a spouse, such as being a God-lover, being understanding, loyal, and content, but in each chapter, they focus on preparing your heart as well: being grounded in Christ and allowing Him to be the Lover of your Soul before anyone else.  This has caused me to question what I am doing in the world of dating.  Why do I care what these guys think of me?  Why am I trying to change them to be my perfect guy? Why am I not trusting God?  

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
         And do not lean on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him,
         And He will make your paths straight.

                               Proverbs 3:5-6

Again I ask, why am I not trusting God?  I know He is in control and I know His ways are greater than my ways, but our culture has us convinced otherwise.  We have to change our hearts and our mindsets to reflect God and allow Him to fill the holes that we think a husband can fill.  It is hard.  I know it is hard, and even though I know the truth I still struggle and you probably will too.  Don't let it get you down; know in your heart that your Creator has got this and He will sustain you.  

We are not promised a spouse.  We are not promised "true love" on this earth.  We are not guaranteed the "happily ever after" we see in almost every movie we watch.  These are the worries we constantly focus on: if we will receive these blessings that aren't promised, when "Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'" (Isaiah 4:15)  We ARE promised that He has plans to give us hope and a future.  Straight from Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."  

You are a precious child of the One True God so rest in that fact.  He knows how you are feeling and he will comfort you.  Trust in Him for He loves and cares for you.  Strive to live for Him alone, not to find a relationship.